Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
