This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
