Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
