I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
