Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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