oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
