You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
