Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
