omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
