well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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