dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
