We're like a lot better than the average bears
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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