Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
