Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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