he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
