why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky š
Either my boss has an enormous dick or heās hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He was all āplease donāt bail because Iām missing work for thisā last night
Honey no, I need dick. Iām not going to bail
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