Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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