Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
