Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
