My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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