I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
