Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
