Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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