There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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