he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
