Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
