your parents love me but you hate me
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
