Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
