I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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