I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
