where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
