You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
