Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
