You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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