The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
