He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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