just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
