i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
