k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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