dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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