I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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