Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Randomize
