she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
