Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
