those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
