Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize