this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
