I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
