my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
