my vag is so smooth its legendary
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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