Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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