I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
