I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
