the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
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