3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
