I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
