Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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