walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
