maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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