Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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