last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
