I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
