and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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