I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
