You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
